Anxiety is such a terrible
Monster! I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years but what I’ve been through in the last couple months has been the hardest to deal with in my entire life. This past Sunday was our New Building Grand Opening extravaganza. I got to help pick out the carpet, cabinetry, paint, etc in the new children’s wing. I so enjoyed having such a big part in this project. I also helped out with the committee for the big days. However, a couple weeks prior I had to back out of all my commitments due to this stupid nerve injury. I just couldn’t handle anything extra besides on focusing on getting better and resting my mouth. This Sunday I walked into church and everything looked amazing! The service was very nice. I’ve been getting upset during the couple servicesI’ve attended lately because I can’t sing and participate the way I usually do. And I get it, as long as I’m at church I will get what I need to get out of the service but I enjoy singing and praying out loud. It’s just frustrating. Between that frustration, feeling guilty about not fulfilling my obligations, plus for some reason seeing out dentist just sent me into a downward spiral. I had an anxiety attack during the end of the service and walked out crying. I’m so embarrassed! I know I shouldn’t be buts so hard to have that happen in public.
These new meds are so hard to deal with. One day last week I was so upset and anxious I honestly thought I’d have to be committed for a couple days to level me out. Then two days later I was almost manic. I made a couple judgment errors like shopping for clothes for Katie. We don’t have money for that with all these medical expenses lately. This is the worst RollerCoaster ride I’ve even been on! On a good note I feel like I’ve had a 10% decrease in my pain. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.