Bad week and struggling

Struggling this week big time!  I have felt pretty positive that I can change my lifestyle and really be successful for the last couple weeks.  This week I took a hit at the scale, worries about my health, hit to my ego and self-esteem and or first ER visit with our three year old (been to urgent care once).  Today, I am tired, defeated, and just totally frustrated.

I walk into Weight Watchers on Wednesday thinking I had a good week.  After 3 weeks of straight losses and a 6 month loss of 30 pounds I was still on a high.  I got on the scale and was quickly dropped from that high. I gained 7 pounds in a week.  Ok, how is that even possible???!!!  I stayed within my points for the week.  I was very gracious though.  I didn’t cry or pout.  I need to keep focused.  I can do this!

This is how I always feel getting on the grey monster

As the day progressed it just go worse.  I had blood work done because I have a couple lymph nodes that keep swelling and are very painful.  So painful I don’t want to swallow and just let myself drool all day.

This is what I feel like some days

  Now waiting two weeks is going to take its toll.

We find out we have a Cicada killer Bee infestation around our sidewalk in front of the house.  They are the biggest bees I have ever seen!!!  My husband calls them flying zebras.  My husband is trying to get rid of the before trying the $125 bug guy to come out.

Our “flying Zebras”

The biggest derailment for me this week was a hit to my ego and self-esteem.   There was an event I saw on Facebook that all of my friends were at and I realized I was the only one not invited.   I struggle to feel like I fit in and I can be very sensitive.  At first I was really upset and it sent me into a little bout of depression.  I totally get certain families might want to get together and do stuff and that’s what the group is about but my take on this situation is I was singled out.   It really felt like school again.  I can think of three reasons why this happened.  I was accused of something I didn’t do and to keep the peace the innocent person is left out.  It could be a family issue, or someone just doesn’t like me or my daughter.  This situation just reminded of those horrible feeling you feel in high school trying to fit in with the in crowd and not getting the feeling you are accepted.  Yesterday I actual became upset about it but now it’s not so bad.  As long as I now know how I stand.

Poor girl was in pain and wanted to be at home

Friday night our three year old daughter, Katie started screaming and crying when she was peeing.  It was horrible to watch and we could do nothing to help her.  We took her to the emergency room at Toledo Hospital.  We tried 6 times to collect pee in a cup but it just wouldn’t happen.  She refused to try to pee because it hurt so badly.  The nurse and doctor seemed to just look at me and not say much.  Finally I said “Go ahead and cath her or we will be here until Tuesday”.  I think they were hesitating because they were afraid one of us would get mad.  It took four of us to hold her down to cath her.  The nurse dropped the vial all over the bed but was able to save JUST enough.  No UTI, all we can figure is she has some irritation and it burns when urine hits it.

After such a stressful week I am feeling done, mentally.  I tracked all my food and used up all my extra points.  Didn’t eat all my fruits and veggies.  We will see how this week goes

Goals for the week

Track my food    track my food    track my food

Water   water     water    water

Try to be positive!!

3 thoughts on “Bad week and struggling

  1. Sometimes it’s one step forward and two back. It isn’t fair but it all passes. I still think that the weight gain was the medications. The first major illness with your child is the worst. I remember looking at you laying on a blanket with a 103 fever. Your eyes were starting to glaze over and I took you to the ER. My biggest fear was that they would keep you. Having to hold your child down so she can be treated or tested is beyond words. Katie is a smart little girl and she knows you love her. You and Michael are awesome parents. The trauma was probably harder on you two than her!

    People and groups are a strange dynamic. There always seems to be conflicts and issues. I’m finding that in this era people aren’t as considerate as they once were. There is a selfishness that seems to inhabit some people and other’s feelings are just not something they care about. I raised you to be considerate of others feelings and you are a very caring person. I have come to realize that most people aren’t going to act and react the way I think is proper.

    You have a lot going on in your life and are making positive changes. You’re making progress and that’s what matters most. Keep up the great job you are doing as a wife, mother and a woman.

  2. Keep your head up Tammy! I just caught up on all your posts! You are doing amazing! About feeling left out, try not to let it bother you, I sometimes feel the same, but found if I keep questioning it I just get more upset! Plus if someone doesn’t invite me…their loss! You have an amazing husband and daughter who love to spend time with you and that is what matters!!! 🙂 Keep trucking along mama! You are kicking life’s butt, trust me! The fact that you do school and your family is so inspiring to me!!! xo

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